Who needs pasta....

...when you have SPAGHETTI SQUASH?!?!?!

So, I have been wanting to try spaghetti squash for a long time but hadn't gotten around to it because I wasn't quite ready for a culinary adventure. And besides, isn't spaghetti squash something that those "super healthy, always talking about nutrition, gluten-free, clean-eating" people eat? Wait, that's me.  LOL After getting over my fear of taking on a culinary adventure AND realizing I have become one of "those" people, I make my way to the grocery store and select the smallest spaghetti squash I can find.  In case my culinary adventure fails miserably, I don't want a lot of waste on my hands. 

I also purchase items to make a quick and easy spaghetti sauce.

I get my spaghetti squash home and immediately do what any good cook would--GOOGLE how to cook spaghetti squash! LOL 774,000 results come up and after perusing the first three, I realize it should be relatively easy to cook the squash.

Basically, all I have to do is preheat the oven to 375, pierce the squash to allow steam to escape (wouldn't want any explosions), stick it in the oven, and let it bake for an hour.  Ok, I think I am up for the challenge.  I get my squash in the oven and begin making my easy sauce.

At the grocery store, I purchased a jar of OrganicVille Portabella Mushroom Pasta Sauce (sugar and gluten free).  I also purchased a 10oz bag of sliced baby portabellas and some 93% lean ground turkey.  First, I saute my portabellas with some non-stick spray.  In a separate pan, I brown my ground turkey and drain it once its brown all over.  Afterwards, I throw everything into a big pot and let it simmer. 

After my sauce is done, I just have to wait for my squash to finish, so I do what any good grad student would do to pass time--get on FB! LOL Pretty soon, time has elasped and I think I might have BURNT my squash.  I run to kitchen and remove it from the oven as quick as I can! Whew! I didn't burn it! :-)

Because I am in a hurry, I cut it open and scoop the seeds/inside out.  Looking at my little squash, I start to think, maybe I should have gotten a bigger one.  My sauce recipe yielded 6 servings.  This little squashy-poo looks like maybe one serving will come from it.  I was WRONG!  I get my fork and start scraping, and scraping, and scraping. One cup, two cups, three cups, FOUR CUPS of glorious squash!  Wow.  I didn't realize that I would be able to scrape all the way to the skin of the squash.  There was very little waste.

So, the moment you've been waiting for! How did it taste?!?! I sampled just a little of the squash and some of the sauce and it was SOOOOO GOOOD!  I couldn't believe it. I thought the squash would be mushy and that the taste would be overpowering.  It wasn't at all. 

This was one culinary adventure I am pleased to have taken.  I'll eat my pasta sauce with spaghetti squash this week for dinner!

For those who want the recipe and full nutritional info, keep reading!

Turkey Mushroom Sauce w/ Spaghetti Squash

• 1 small spaghetti squash
• 1 20oz package of 93% Lean Ground Turkey
• 1 Jar of OrganicVille Portabella Mushroom Pasta Sauce
• 1 10oz Bag of Sliced Baby Bellas
• Non-stick spray

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
2. Pierce squash all over. Place on baking sheet or in pan.  Place in oven and bake for 1 hour.
3. Saute portabellas in non stick spray.
4. Brown and drain ground turkey.
5. In large pot, add sauteed portabellas, ground turkey, and pasta sauce.  Simmer until flavors integrate. 
6. After an hour, remove squash from oven. LET COOL! Cut in half with a serrated knife.  Spoon out the seeds and pulp (like you would any other squash or melon).  With fork, scrape out the spaghettis (LOL!)

Again, my pasta sauce yielded about 6 3/4 cup servings.  And, I can have up to 1.5 cups of the squash when I eat it as a meal. So, based on that, here is the nutritional info. The carbs, protein, and fat fall within my required range and the calories are just around 250, which is what I try to consume at each meal.  All in all, I am quite pleased to be able to add this meal to my repertoire!

Turkey Mushroom Sauce Info (I used my handy-dandy Recipe Nutrition Calculator for this info!):
Protein: 21 grams
Carbs: 10 grams
Fat: 8
Calories: 190

Spaghetti Squash Info (1.5 cup serving size):
Protein: 0 grams
Carbs: 15 grams
Fat: 0 grams
Calories: 63 

Turkey Mushroom Sauce with Spaghetti Squash (one serving):
Protein: 21 grams
Carbs: 25 grams
Fat: 8 grams
Calories: 253

My Mind Wouldn't Let Me Self-Sabotage OR WHY I ABHOR GROCERY STORES!

I will admit, today I was on a self-sabotage mission.  I finished a paper that was intellectually challenging, hadn't been out of the house for over 24 hours (working on the paper), and just wanted to test my limits, I guess.  Or maybe Aunt Ruby's coming to visit soon. Who knows?!  What I do know is that today I went to TWO grocery stores with the intention of hunting down disaster.  Well, it seems disaster was avoiding me today.

I know exactly what drove me to this state.  I ALWAYS get nervous after I finish a big project, performance, submission, etc.  I am supremely fearful of being criticized, even when I know I have done a good job.  Part of is that people have such high expectations of me that I get nervous when I feel I might not achieve those expectations.  I typically take criticism really well, but sometimes I dwell too long on the negative.  Sigh...I'm working on it.

Anyway, because I was in this state, I decided to go to the grocery store for a "treat." Yeah, that didn't work so well because I am a COMPULSIVE LABEL CHECKER.  OMG, the first store I walked in, I know the associates probably thought I was crazy.  I picked up "veggie chips," put them down.  Picked up "dark chocolate truffles," put them down.  Picked up popcorn, put it down.  In my mind, I just COULD NOT justify ingesting this horrible food.  Even worse, when the list of ingredients was 30 items long, I threw up a little in my mouth.  Needless to say, I left this store just the way I came--with nothing.

The next grocery store, again I tried to find a "treat."  Because I now refuse to go down the inner aisles of grocery stores (only for Almond Milk when I buy the shelf stable version), I decided I would try to find a "treat" from the perimeter of the store.  Yeah right.  The first item I picked up was a meatless (was a meat substitute), so-called "green meal" for one.  I forget the brand or even what it was really.  What I remember is that one serving of this meatless, green meal for one had 50 FIFTY 5-0 grams of carbohydrates!!!! OMG And these carbohydrates weren't because this meal for one was packed with leafy greens.  No, this thing was no bigger than an 8oz bottle of h2o, yet it contained all of those carbs.  NEXT! Ok, so I wander over to the pre-made salad section.  You would think these would be an ok choice. WRONG!  These salads were loaded with FAT.  Even if you chose to skip the dressing (which, I give them credit, was in a separate container), upwards of 15-20 grams of fat in each salad.  Too much for me. 

So, I end up in the bakery section--maybe I'll have a cookie or a donut.  NOT. They just weren't appetizing.

People in this second store must have thought, "she has a huge chip on her shoulder" because after a while I had a scowl on my face.  What grocery stores sell these days is so horrible and to think, not too long ago, I would buy this stuff and EAT IT.  I am not trying to be a food snob or judge anyone for food choices they make, but I do know this, most people are not scrutinizing labels and are ingesting horrible, processed, manufactured, genetically engineered CRAP!

From that store I ended up buying one red pepper, an avocado, some low sodium deli sliced turkey breast, and three packs of trident sugar free gum [I do have a fruity gum addiction :-( and it was on sale].

Ok, so after I left the grocery store my desire to meet up with disaster still wasn't quenched.    I thought, hmmm, I haven't had Harold's Fried Chicken in a long time...LOL Well, good thing a woman and her daugther approached me asking me for spare change! I gave her all of the cash I had in my wallet. (Don't think I'm a saint, it wasn't that much and I apologized because I felt it was so little.)  Anyway, Harold's only accepts cash and I was too lazy to go to an ATM. (Even though, in hindsight, my bank was only two doors down from where the lady stopped me...Go figure. Disaster wasn't just two steps ahead, it was in an entirely different zip code.)  So, my last attempt to court disaster was a disaster!

Point of the story, really, is that I really wish our grocery stores had better options.  I wish everything wasn't processed beyond recognition. I wish people weren't forced to buy this crap because its cheap.  I wish chicken was truly chicken and that there were no hidden surprises.  I wish....

About the Photo Shoot and Future Plans (Blog and otherwise)!

At my heaviest in 2007

This past weekend was AMAZING!  After 6 hard weeks, 4 of which I blogged about, the PHOTO SHOOT finally arrived.  I must say, I was really nervous for several reasons.

First, just the thought of being photographed was a little scary to me.  Though I had taken professional photos a few years ago, I was still a little unnerved about taking photos in athletic wear, with my body on full view--especially since I still have some more weight to lose.  My nerves were calmed however, when I arrived to the photo shoot and many of the ladies who were also being photographed greeted me warmly!

Second, I was nervous to see friends I had not seen in nearly seven months.  Though social media allowed me to remain connected with my friends, I wasn't prepared, really, for the reactions I received.  Because I see myself daily, it's still hard for me to wrap my mind around the transformation.  I've taken to looking at old pictures to remind myself...LOL  Every old friend I saw was excited and happy about my transformation.  In the midst of it all, I became excited too, because I know I represent what is possible and obtainable. 

So, back to the photo shoot!  Though I was nervous, the photographer was so sweet and professional.  He took about 20 or so photos.  Afterward, he showed me the photos on the computer and I must say, they came out really nice.  When he finishes processing them, he will send some to me and then I can share them.

In the meantime, I have decided a few things:
1) I will continue my eating, drinking, and exercising regime, but with a few changes. [Click the words "eating," "drinking," and "exercising" to be taken to the blog post where I describe my routine for each of the three categories.] I have decided to add dairy back.  This will mostly be in the form of yogurt and cheese, here and there.
2) I will continue to blog but I can not promise it will be every day.  I love sharing my food journal and that keeps me accountable, but I can not keep up with blogging everyday.  So, I will do what I can in regards to sharing my food journal.

Left, Heart and Soul 2010; Right, Heart and Soul 2011, 90lbs later

My journey is far from complete.  As of now, I have lost 90lbs and I have 40 more to lose.  I hope to be finished with the weight loss by the end of this summer.  I also hope to be wearing my good friend's size 8 jeans by then, too. :-)  She was cleaning out her closet this weekend and gave a pair to me. 

I am excited about continuing on as well as sharing my progress/process with you.

For now, in the next few days, be on the lookout for two new blog posts! In one I will share a recipe for HOMEMADE PROTEIN BARS (sugar-free) and the other will be FOR LADIES ONLY! :-)

Thanks for journeying with me!

Day 1 Update! And, On Coming "Home" & the final results!

The PHOTO SHOOT IS TOMORROW! WooHoo! I made it! :) 

Exercise:
Madison Fit Fun Boot Camp DOUBLER! (50 min x 2)

Eating:
5:00am Strawberry Protein Smoothie (with 1/2 cup OJ and h2o)
9:00am Egg White Omelet w/Spinach
11:30am Greek Yogurt w/ Blueberries
4:00pm  4oz turkey breast, grapes, apples, 2oz cheddar cheese (OMG, I haven't had cheese in months.  My stomach is ok...so far!)
6:30pm 1 cup red lentil soup, 1 piece of pita bread, Mixed Green Salad w/chicken and Balsamic Vinaigrette

Drinking:
128 oz h20
1/2 cup OJ


I've never considered "Madison" my home, even though I lived here for nearly 7 years!  However, today, walking into Supreme Health and Fitness for Boot Camp felt like coming home.  All the feelings you associate with being home [love, nurturing, family, brutal honesty (lol)] came rushing to me when I walked through the doors of Supreme.  I realized I missed my BC family.  As I walked through the door, I was immediately embraced by my friends--friends who still encourage me and keep me going even though I no longer live in Madison.  Friends who challenge me to work harder and stay committed to my goals.  Friends who met me at my heaviest and worst--and loved me then as they do now.  Friends for whom I am eternally grateful.  This program changed my life and I am blessed, daily,  by the FAMILY I have in them. 

Today, three of us did a doubler--we attended 2 boot camps, back to back.  It was intense, but we got through it.  One year and exactly one month ago today, I walked into Fit Fun Boot Camp and couldn't do a burpee, a push up, or a russian twist.  But, what I could do was wake up and keep showing up.  This is what I have done ever since and it has made all the difference.  Now, I can do burpees (although I absolutely abhor them), push ups and russian twists.  These are all within my means.  I look back and am amazed and thankful for that fateful cold winter day in January, 2010.

Ok, so down to really what you came to read about!  So, one month, 4 weeks, and 30 days ago, I started this challenge.  I challenged myself to work out 6 days a week, eat clean (not go out to eat) and eat 5-6 meals a day as well as drink 128oz of h2o.  During this month, I learned so much more about  nutrition, about needing to do your own research, and really, about what my body needs to be at peak performance.  This alone translates into success for me.  This past month, I have decided, is only the beginning for me.  I love the routine I have created and I am excited to continue everything I have started--that, to me equals SUCCESS!

As a result of the rigor of the last month, there have been physical changes.  Although this was not my sole intention, I knew that my body would change.  It did.

Today, I want to share my measurements.  Tomorrow, I will share with you some pictures.  They may or may not be from the photo shoot as I am unsure of when I will have access to those photographs.  But, believe me, since you have been with me EVERY step of the way, I want you to share in the physical manifestation of my success (although my real reward has manifested in incalculable spiritual, emotional, and mental benefits.)


My stats as of January 12, 2011:
Height—5’2.5” (that ain’t changing! LOL)
Weight—199lbs
Bust—39
Waist--37
Hips—44

My stats as of February 11, 2011:
Height—5'2.5" (jeez, I was hoping for a least 1/2 inch growth! LOL)
Weight—189lbs
Bust—36.5
Waist—36
Hips—42.5

So, there you have it:  In four weeks, I lost 10lbs and 5 inches.  I consider this the STEVIA on the mound of sweet potatoes! Just makes things a bit sweeter.

I'll talk more about my future goals as it relates to my nutrition, weight loss, and the blog a little later.  In case you were wondering though, for me, the journey is not over.  I am so happy with where I am and I look forward to working hard to get where I want to be.  Day by day I am moving forward, savoring the process AND ENJOYING the ride!

Day 2 Update! And, the transformative power of "living in the Yellow"

Summer 2010, California.

ONLY TWO DAYS UNTIL THE PHOTO SHOOT!

Exercise:
Boot Camp (50 minutes)
Leg and Glutes (25 minutes)

Eating:
5:30am Strawberry Protein Smoothie
8:00am Shrimp and Veggies
10:30am Chicken Breast w/ Spring Mix, grape tomatoes and 1 tbsp balsamic vinaigrette
1:00pm Strawberry Protein Smoothie
4:00pm Greek Yogurt and Strawberries
6:00pm Shrimp and Veggies


Drinking:
96oz h2o
2 cups almond milk

For the past almost 30 days, many of you have been "meeting me in the yellow."  You've been visiting my blog and reading what I have to say as I been on my current journey, which happens to be centered on my health. However, some of you have no idea about the origin of my yellow space. 

Well, I started this blog nearly two years ago, after my 27th birthday.  The summer prior to my birthday, I had decided "yellow" was going to be my color for the summer.  As as a result, I proceeded to wear yellow or accessorize with yellow for the entire summer.  Something about the brightness and beauty of the color yellow was appealing to me and I thought if I wore the color, I would somehow internalize and reflect this brightness and beauty.  Wearing the color yellow was a means by which I challenged myself to "live in the yellow."  Check out one of my first blog posts on what I mean about "living in the yellow."

Well, its been nearly two years and the concept of "living in the yellow" still resonates with me.  When I live fully in the yellow, I am open, bright, giving, loving, accepting and completely full.  I am not without problems or worries or stresses, but living in this open, bright space allows me the clarity to develop solutions to my problems as well as the courage to ask for help/advice when I need to do so.  Also, "living in the yellow" gives me courage to put myself out there when I would normally and naturally prefer not to do so. 

Anyway, for the most part, the process and decision to "live in the yellow" has mostly been an internal one.  Until now.  Today, I experienced what "living in the yellow" is really all about.

Earlier, I received a call from my trainer, who also happens to be the owner of the fitness facility where I work out.  She called to let me know that on Wednesday, she had arrived to the gym, not really feeling enthused about what she had to do--everyone has one of those days, even when you absolutely love what you do.  However, my face was the first face she saw.  And, when she saw the bright happy smile on my face, it gave her what she needed to face her day.  It turned her entire perspective around.  If anyone knows me, you know I am always smiling.  In fact, the doormen in my building constantly ask me, "why are you always smiling?"  I always say something to the effect of "because I have no reason not to and every reason to."  Anyway,  my trainer also mentioned that what she in my face wasn't just a smile and happiness to be up at 5:55am to workout (or weight loss), she saw something else there.  Something, she couldn't describe, but that just emanated from me.   What she saw was powerful enough to transform her entire outlook that day.

This blew me away.  Over these past few days, weeks, and months, I have felt like I have been in my own little world.  I have been careful to treat people with kindness, to engage people, make eye contact with people, and generally just be positive.  I was doing these things, not on purpose, but because the joy I have inside is uncontainable (and because I lack human interaction most days beside going to the gym...lol).  I wasn't really thinking about the impact of my actions.  However, it seems that my conscious and consistent decision to approach life in this way has a substantial impact on people. 

While my weight loss journey has been life-changing for me, what my trainer saw and felt emanating from me was not a result of weight loss.  It was a result of my "living in the yellow."  I feel now, more than ever, that my decision to embrace this "yellow space" has transformed my life.  Little by little, "the yellow" has permeated my life and, it seems, exposed my entire being to the brightness and beauty of this state of being.  Now, I have to be honest, being exposed is not all fun and games.  However, in the periods when I have exposed myself, I have been accepted, loved, and become a better person for it.

So, today, I was blessed.  I realized that though I embarked on this journey to "live in the yellow" out of selfishness, (I wanted to improve my own state of being), living in the yellow requires selflessness.

And, this selflessness is not an exhausting, depleting type of selflessness, its one where you realize that being your best and natural self just might transform someone else's life, outlook, perspective as well as move them from despair to hope, from dark to light, and from lacking color to possessing and experiencing the transformative power of the yellow!  Knowing this, you don't withhold your self, you give completely, realizing that you will be refreshed and rejuvenated by living life in the yellow.

Today, I experienced a renewing of my spirit, simply because some of the yellow was reflected back on me.  How wonderful that was!  There are only a couple of days until the photo shoot and until I see friends and loved ones whom I have not seen in a long time.  This has made me a tad nervous and unsettled.  However, keeping myself in the yellow is calming me and will help me to face the nervousness I feel.

Thanks for joining me here. :)

Day 3 Update! And, I am NO DIFFERENT than you.

3 DAYS UNTIL THE PHOTO SHOOT!!!

Exercise:
Kettlebell Muscle Power (50 minutes)

Eating:
5:30am Strawberry Protein Smoothie
8:30am Egg White Omelet w/Tri-Color Peppers
11:00am Greek Yogurt w/Strawberries
1:30pm Turkey Meatloaf w/ Spring Mix and Cherry Tomatoes
4:00pm Strawberry Protein Smoothie
6:30pm Shrimp and Veggie Stir-Fry

Drinking:
128 oz h20
2 cups almond milk

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about how I have gotten to the place I am today. I think about where I was over a year ago and wonder what happened to the people who started this journey with me, people who were given the same tools and information that I was given. I begin to wonder, am I different? If so, how?

I can't let myself wonder on difference for long because I am always brought back to the fact that I AM NO DIFFERENT than you or anyone else. I am a human being. Deep down I long for acceptance, not rejection. I long to be loved, not treated indifferently. I long to make an impact on this world, not leave it worse than I found it. I long to be good and do good, not contribute to evil. I long to lose myself in helping others and not in living selfishly or self-destructively. I long for the day when all will see the beauty and good in themselves--and dwell in possibility and not defeat.

I recognize, however, that in order to fulfill all of my longings I have to accept myself, love myself, make myself better, do good to myself, help myself, and see the beauty and good in myself FIRST. Seeing myself as beautiful, bright, valued, worthy, awesome, magnificent, good, wonderful, blessed, overflowing with abundance, open, loved, and acceptable can only be a good thing--for me AND everybody.

So, if I am no different than you and you are no different than me, doesn't that mean that you can achieve all I have achieved? Doesn't that mean that if you want to change your lifestyle, you can? Isn't that a possibility for you? If you feel this isn't possible for you, why is this so? Don't let self-imposed limitations stifle your dreams. I am telling you, and I am NO DIFFERENT than you, that when I began to dream, think, act, and work toward the impossible, the extraordinary became POSSIBLE.

Day 4 Update! And, What's your inspiration?

Only 4 days until the photo shoot!

Exercise:
Sweatbox w/ Jump Rope Circuit (50 minutes)
Pilates (25 minutes)
Zumba! Express (25 minutes)

Eating:
5:30am Strawberry Protein Smoothie
8:00am Egg White Omelet w/Tri-Color Peppers
10:30am Greek Yogurt and Strawberries
2:00om Turkey Meatloaf with 50/50 Spring Mix and Grape Tomatoes
4:30pm Strawberry Protein Smoothie
7:00pm Egg White Omelet w/Tri-Color Peppers

Drinking:
128 oz h20
2 cups almond milk

Usually, people ask, "what's your motivation?" or "what motivates you?" Today, I want to pose the question, "what's your inspiration?" What inspires you to keep going?

When I look back over the last almost 30 days, I ask myself what inspired me to do this challenge?

So many have told me, "you're an inspiration," or even more personal, "you're my inspiration." Sometimes when people tell me this, my heart skips a beat. I am fearful because I know I am just a human being. Being someone's inspiration is a tall task and I don't want to fail. However, when I think about "inspiration" and where my inspiration lies, my fear dissipates.

A year and a half ago, I came across this poem. It so perfectly captures my sentiments about "motivation" vs. "inspiration."

I love the entire poem, but the lines that speaks to me most now are:

Motivation creates the discipline and interest to change temporarily;
Inspiration creates the obedience to change permanently.

Motivation is driven by a love of self;
Inspiration is driven by a love of God.

For so long I prayed to God to give me discipline to start a lifestyle change. I prayed for discipline but I lacked the ability to listen to and actually follow the nutritional advice that I knew would lead to a transformation of my body. I was being disobedient. At my lowest moment, I could hear God and God distinctly told me, "you know what to do. I will make the way and you just follow my lead." I have been following God's lead ever since--OBEDIENCE.

Also, my desire to continue to transform my body is not a result of me wanting the ultimate beach body or wanting to be skinny. What I desire is for my body and my health to be in a place of life and vitality. I want to be able to do EVERYTHING God designed my body to do. All of the physical limitations that I have placed on my body because of the toxins I have knowingly ingested, I want gone.

So, when I am asked, "what is your inspiration?" I simply say, "To be all that God destined me to be." This journey that I am currently on is simply a part of my destiny. Thank you for joining me.

Enjoy the poem. :-)

Motivation Vs. Inspiration

Motivation is driven by earthly desire and a need to gain self-satisfaction;
Inspiration is driven by heavenly success and a desire to please God.

Motivation is like showering or brushing your teeth--you need to do it every day;
Inspiration happens once and is there forever.

Motivation can be broken;
Inspiration can be blocked but never truly goes away.

Motivation ends during tough or inconvenient times;
Inspiration endures hardship and failure.

Motivation yields to excuses;
Inspiration will not stop until it see results.

Motivation is like tiptoeing into a cold pool;
Inspiration gives you the courage to dive right in, take the leap, and go for it.

Motivation changes with changing emotions;
Inspiration is stronger than a particular feeling at a particular moment.

Motivation takes no effort of focus;
Inspiration takes the effort of focusing on God and the responsibilities we all have.

Motivation creates the discipline and interest to change temporarily;
Inspiration creates the obedience to change permanently.

Motivation is driven by a love of self;
Inspiration is driven by a love of God.

By Ben Lerner