Day 30 Update! And, why so much exercising?!?!?!

First, I want to say thanks to you all for reading this post! When I started my blog, I didn’t intend it for public consumption, however, as I go along this journey I am learning that writing about and dialoging with others about my experience has helped push me further. Community is key and I am grateful for the online community this blog provides. Second, I will write daily updates about how my day went and try to have them posted by 9pm or so. Before each update, I might spend a few sentences talking about an issue/idea/challenge related to health/nutrition/etc.! Third, please feel free to comment, ask questions and otherwise make this a dialogue! Fourth, I’ll try to make the posts brief—no one wants to read a dissertation in one sitting (or ever)! LOL

January 13, 2011

First, Happy Founders' Day to all my SORORS! Alright, back to the topic at hand! :)

Second, some of you may have looked at my plan and said—“wow, that’s a bit much!” Exercise six days a week, no eating out, a gallon of water daily! Whoa! While I do not feel that I NEED to explain my choices, I would like to discuss why I think they are important—not just so that I can get ready for the shoot, but for life. The fact of the matter is I already had been exercising 5 times a week, drinking water and eating out minimally. I am just ramping it up a notch to see what happens! Therefore, over the next few days, before my update, I will share a little bit about my choices regarding each of the three areas: exercise, eating, and drinking.

Today, I want to begin with EXERCISE! I begin with exercise, not because it’s the MOST important, but because exercise is where many of us get hung up, get our feelings hurt, quit, and otherwise have a bad relationship.

When I began my lifestyle change a year ago, I started with an exercise program not with the immediate goals of losing weight. I started because I felt like everything in me had stopped moving or was having a hard time doing so. I also knew that I had to change my eating habits, but I couldn’t quite fathom that, especially with all of the conflicting advice circulating. So, I did what I thought was best: I joined a boot camp program and went as many times a week as I could—5x a week for three weeks! After my three-week trial period was over, I decreased it to 3-4x a week. During this three-week period, I drastically changed what I put into my body (more on that tomorrow). This, coupled with exercise, allowed me to begin to drop some weight! (Not very much initially, though.) My trainer, Dustin Maher, told me straight out, exercise is only one part of the equation, and a small one at that. 80% of weight loss is what you eat while only 20% is exercise.

So, if this is the case, why am I exercising so much now???

Honestly? (And, in this blog I feel l can be honest.) It’s because it makes me FEEL SO DARN GOOD! I like to sweat. I like being presented with a challenge and SUCCESSFULLY completing it on my own terms. I like seeing my progress—like going from only being able to do knee push-ups a year ago, to doing 15 full push-ups now.

Also, as a graduate student who spends my days writing my dissertation, mostly alone, especially during the week, it provides me with a community of like-minded people who aren’t afraid to work hard, grunt, and sweat it out! These people have seen me at my worst: just waking up at 5am, to get to class by 6am! Some of them wouldn’t recognize me at my best! LOL I found that I like to exercise in community. Before I found my current fitness facilty (D3 Chicago), I went to the South Side YMCA (a great facility) and I found that as I would work out on a machine or use the selectorized equipment I would strike up conversations with people—I love to talk fitness! Others’ enthusiasm encourages me!

Additionally, exercise motivates me to make healthy food choices. (More on that tomorrow)

Lastly, exercising, working my muscles, and engaging my cardiovascular and respiratory systems, makes me strong! And, that’s what I want to be. I am beyond the point where I simply want to lose weight. Yes, that will come with continued healthy choices. I am at the point where I want to be stronger. I want to do a bicep curl with a 25lb weight or lift a 30lb kettlebell; I want to outrun, out-jump, out-squat—MYSELF! Continued use of my muscles will get me where I want to be strength-wise.

So, that’s it folks! That’s why I exercise. When first starting my lifestyle change, I exercised because I felt I had to—it’s what all the experts said I had to do. Now, I exercise because I LIKE IT! Weight loss is a by-product.

Enough ranting, on to the update!

Day 30 (I'm counting down, folks!) update:

Exercise:
Boot Camp Class 50 minutes (Full body workout)
Glutes and Leg Burn Class 25 minutes (concentrated on specific areas)
Cardio P90X 45 minutes (Overkill for the day, yes, but I have a group of friends who I work out with every Thursday. I didn't want to skip my morning workout because we were testing on strength exercises we did a month ago and today was follow-up. Even though I worked out today already, I didn't feel tired or sluggish during Cardio P90X.)

Eating:
5:25am Banana (pre-workout)
7:45am Protein Shake (with ½ cup soy milk, 5 frozen strawberries, 1 cup h2o) and 8 almonds
11:45am Banana, 2 oz chicken breast, 10 almonds
2:35pm Apple, bowl of homemade chicken veggie soup (with a tablespoon of gelatin for protein boost—I’ll talk more about this tomorrow.)
4:35pm Apple, 10 almonds
7:45 pm: 3 oz chicken breast and cabbage sautéed in 1 tablespoon of EVOO with onions, garlic, and red pepper

Drinking:
128 oz h2o!
½ cup soy milk (in smoothie)

How do I feel?
I feel GOOD! I finished Cardio P90X, which is hard, about an hour ago. Still have energy though its the end of the day. :)

Help me get "photo-shoot" ready! :)

Late last year, I was notified that I was selected, along with 24 other women, to be profiled in a fitness/health how-to book which, among its many goals, will feature stories about women who have successfully transformed their lives and bodies by changing their health and nutrition habits. Along with my fitness story (UPDATE: up to 80lbs lost) the book will also include before and after shots of me. I have tons of BEFORE shots, but on February 12, 2011, I will take my official AFTER shot! The official after shot will be a photo of me in athletic wear.

So, here’s where I need your help, friends! I was notified about the date of the after shot photo shoot two weeks ago, and as of today, I have ONE MONTH to do as much as I can to be “photo-shoot-ready!” I already eat clean and work-out, but I thought I’d enlist your help to keep me accountable! I am going to post DAILY updates (how I did with my eating, exercising, stressing, etc.) to my blog and if you could check them out and cheer me on, that’d be great!

So, here are my current stats:
Height—5’2.5” (that ain’t changing! LOL)
Weight—199lbs
Bust--39
Waist--37
Hips—44

I'll post an update to these stats the day of the photo shoot! :)

Here’s my plan of action:

Exercising: Exercise Monday-Saturday at D3 (Dre’s Deisel Dome). Workouts include Boot Camp, sweatbox circuit training, kettle bell muscle (weight-lifting) classes, Zumba (dance), and Pilates (core). Sunday is a day of rest! :)

Eating: Eat Clean. No eating out. Make sure appropriate levels of carb, protein, and fat are consumed at each meal. Eat 5-6 meals a day. Fruit/Veggie with each meal. One protein shake/supplement daily.

Drinking: 128oz (1 Gallon) of H20 Daily. Soymilk and herbal tea only.

To the left is a photo of me in November 2009 (this will be one of my BEFORE pics):

Below, are current pictures of me in the athletic gear I plan to wear during the photo shoot. I am going target a few areas (Arms, Abs, and Legs) with a few specialty classes that focus on these areas.

Let’s see where I am on February 12, 2011!

Help me get "photo-shoot" ready by reading about my progress and cheering me on! :)

When the “fat” girl is no longer “fat.”

I don’t have to turn sideways to walk down most aisles, but I still do turn sideways—out of habit.

I don’t have to worry about sitting on the bus and spilling over into the other seat, but I still do worry—out of habit.

I don’t have to shop at Lane Bryant, Ashley Stewart, or the “Women’s Plus” section of most stores anymore, but I still do go into these stores and these sections—out of habit.

Although I have lost 80lbs and currently wear the average size of American women, I still find myself doing things I used to do when I was morbidly obese. And I keep asking myself why. Although I have lost the weight, something still has not clicked, fully, in my brain.

I have been blessed to workout with some of the best trainers in this country: Dustin Maher, Abby Brockman, and Andrea “Dre” Nichols Everett. They have taught me all I know about health, nutrition, and the role of exercise in a healthy lifestyle. However, none of these trainers have ever been morbidly obese (at least not to my knowledge) and so for all the preparation and knowledge I have received regarding getting to where I am today physically, I have not been prepared to deal with this new me. Nobody told me that there would be a mind-body disconnect. What I mean is that some days I have to remind myself that I am no longer morbidly obese. While I have not reached my goals as of today, I know I no longer weigh nearly 300lbs and I will never weigh nearly 300lbs again. Physically, I know I have lost weight; I know I look different; I feel different; I am stronger. However, mentally and emotionally, to be quite honest, some days I still feel “fat.”

I feel this way because as much I would like to say I am not influenced by society, I am. And, how could I not be? For as long as I can remember, I have been treated differently because of the weight I carried. Additionally, I remain aware of how people who are overweight are treated. I see the glances given by some when a person who is overweight comes down the aisle. I hear the self-deprecating remarks. I see the despair in the eyes of those who have tried to lose weight but have been unable to do so. I have been the comic relief, hoping to deflect attention away from myself. I have been the person who preferred to go shopping alone because my less heavy friends drove me crazy going into ALL of the mall stores when there were only two “specialty” stores for me—these friends were usually oblivious to this fact. I have owned the labels “fat” and “plus-sized,” lest I give someone else the opportunity to label me in these ways, first, without my permission. I have said that I am ok in my skin, when in reality, I’ve always dreamt of being healthier and…smaller. I have secretly wished to be on the Biggest Loser show because I felt I could not lose the weight on my own. I have felt all and done most of these things in the recent past. And yet, though I have lost a significant amount of weight and dress sizes, sometimes I still feel “plus-sized.”

How does one rid herself of this feeling? Of 27 years worth of “the presence of fat=bad” from her psyche? I replace these falsities with TRUTH. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. The hairs on my head were determined before I was conceived. When God created me, God smiled and said, “She is good.” I know this. I believe this. I walk in this knowledge. I look in the mirror and marvel at the shape of my face; the complexion of my skin; the fine curls that frame my face; my one eyebrow raised in quizzical expression; and my mocha colored eyes. I am awed when I realize my physical strength: when I see the definition of my calves; when my biceps and triceps lift weight the equivalent of what I have lost; and when my cardiovascular and respiratory system propel me up 2,109 steps. And, doing these things does not make me conceited or arrogant.

I am learning to love me—all of me! Not just my intellect, or my wisdom, but also this vessel God has made me a steward over. As I learn more about the human body and all of its capacity, I realize what a wonderful opportunity we have all been given. I spent most of my life misusing and abusing this opportunity. Yet, the moment I made a conscious decision to start appreciating and honoring my body, my body responded—and it keeps on responding. I am amazed by the complexity of the human body.

I know NO ONE personally who has naturally lost the amount of weight I have. We are inundated with how-to guides, manuals, books, and new diet plans but no one has written the book on what happens after—probably because the health/nutrition industry is booming and most investors don’t really want people to lose weight—it has turned into a profit industry. And, if the problem of obesity were solved, what would people like Jillian Michaels do for a living? However, for all the information we have about physically losing the weight—these “experts” are not prepared to teach about the emotional and spiritual ramifications of weight loss. Perhaps, that’s why most people re-gain the weight they lost. Though the pounds have disappeared, the pain is still present and most are not adequately prepared to deal with this.

So what do you do?

What do I do?

I A.C.T.:

A= accept who and where I am. Accepting who and where I am allows me to honor myself in my present moment. To do this I reflect on where I have come from and the lessons I have learned. As I am a perpetual planner, I tend to sometimes live in the possibilities of the future. However, I am learning to be in the moment and appreciate the joy and importance of each moment I have been given.

C= create healthy communities of support Close friends who believe in and who remind me of who I am when I have forgotten help me grow. They also push me to go beyond myself and seek help when I need it.

T= tell my story This has been difficult because I am an intensely private person. I don’t volunteer personal information about myself. I can let an entire conversation go by without volunteering my personal experience—although I never fall short on giving advice or doling out an intellectual perspective. I am beginning to feel comfortable talking about my past and my current life journeys. I know my walking in power and freedom will help somebody else to do so. Despite how hard it is; I keep putting one foot in front of the other.

So what happens when the “fat” girl is no longer “fat”?

She rids herself of society’s falsities. The definition of “fat” is an ever-changing, media-driven, social construction. Defining oneself by this term can only lead to emotional crisis.

She replaces false constructions with TRUTH.

She A.C.T.s.

She hopes, prays, and tries to make this world a place where being overweight and/or obese does not wreck havoc on the mental and emotional well being of those who live with this condition.

Most importantly, she CONTINUES to loves herself, all of herself, unconditionally, knowing that despite the new position in which she finds herself, the essence of her spirit, GOD, has remained unchanged.

Loves this and these...

Though bits and pieces of poetic phrases come to my mind here and there, I haven't written an entire poem since a trip to Kenya in 2001. Today, I felt inspired to pen this poem. It's minimalist in structure but meaningful in purpose.

Loves this and these...

loves these coils
this skin
and these curves
If I don’t, who will?

loves these hands
this heart
and these desires
If I don’t, who will?

loves this mouth
this voice
and these melodies
If I don’t, who will?

loves these eyes
these ears
and this foresight
If I don’t, who will?

loves this mind
these thoughts
and these words
If I don’t, who will?

loves this blackness
these roots
and this heritage
If I don’t, who will?

loves this air
this sun
and this beauty
If I don’t, who will?

loves this God
this Me
this God in Me
If I don’t, who will?

(c)2010 by CMM (RIGHTS RESERVED/NO REPRODUCTION ALLOWED)

The SCALE: Moving from FOE to FRIEND!

Let’s face if you are one of the many millions of people trying to lose a significant amount of weight, you probably have experienced a love-hate relationship with your scale. Believe me, I have. When I first started Fit-Fun Boot Camp, I wanted to throw H.O.M.IE (my affectionate name for my Health-O-Meter scale!) out of the window. But today, H.O.M.IE and I are growing in our “friendship.” Like you must do with all friendships, you must learn what type of friend your scale is; what communication methods work with your friend; and how much influence you are going to let your friend have over you.


I have learned that H.O.M.IE is a “fair-weather friend”—she just is. We all have those friends—call when they want to, hang out when they want. Changes her opinions and thoughts in the presence of others, namely personal trainers and MDs—just plain inconsistent. Yet, you love her to pieces. H.O.M.IE does this same thing. Gives me good numbers, sometimes. Other times, she doesn’t. She is inconsistent in her statistical reporting and sometimes her numbers just don’t add up. Yep, she’s a fair-weather friend and I have, FINALLY, learned this about her.


I have also learned that H.O.M.IE and I CANNOT have a serious conversation EVERY DAY. We just can’t. It’s too much for her AND for me. So, we have agreed upon less regular meetings, about once a week or every 10 days, and that actually works better. It also helps in my annoyance at H.O.M.IE’s fair-weathered nature.


Lastly, I have learned that I CANNOT let H.O.M.IE influence how I think, feel, and act regarding my current nutritional journey. The fact of the matter is H.O.M.IE is one-sided, she doesn’t like to look at the full picture—she only sees the NUMBER. My nutritional journey is so much more than numbers. I try to help H.O.M.IE see this but she won’t listen. She LOVES numbers—its just in her nature and what she believes her purpose is. How can you argue with someone’s purpose? You can’t—but this is another reason why we can’t talk everyday.


When you come to learn how to identify with your friend, the scale, she moves from the enemy category to just a friend who deserves some understanding. For so long we have put so much pressure on our scale-friends, expecting them to give us what we want, when we want it. Understand your scale-friend and its purpose, don’t give the relationship too much power over you and your relationship can move from foe to friend.

For whom/what/why are you thankful?

SkyRise Chicago 2010: 103 Flights. 2,109 Steps. 53.52 Minutes.

On Sunday, November 14, 21010, I climbed the tallest building in the WESTERN HEMISPHERE—The Willis (formerly Sears) Tower!

If I said getting up those steps was easy, I would be a big liar and no part of the truth would be in me! The Willis Tower did not allow me up those stairs easily and each and every one of those 103 floors and 2,109 steps made me realize what a blessing life, health, and freedom of movement really is.

On the way up, I passed two SkyRisers who encouraged me so much. One was an older gentleman and the other, an older lady. They had to be in their mid-80s, early-90s. They took each step, one at a time. As I walked by I said, “you can do it!” but I really wanted to give them a BIG hug. Here I was, by floor 39, feeling like I was going to die, and they were going steady, no complaints: just. doing. it.

A few highlights from a couple of floors.

Floor 39: Again, it was here that I felt as if I was going to perish in that stairwell, but we were a little over 1/3 of the way through so I couldn’t turn around!

Floor 52: The half-way mark! It was here that I realized, though it had been and would continue to be hard, I could make it TO THE TOP.

Floor 70: Each floor represented 1 lb of weight loss since I began my weight loss journey in January. I had to do a VICTORY dance on this floor!

Floor 83: We only had 20 more floors to do—really doable especially since the building we trained in had 19 floors.

Floor 100: 3 from the top! And, my official weight loss goal! By SkyRise 2011, I’ll do a victory dance on this level as well!

Floor 102: We’re almost here, let’s SPRINT to the TOP! LOL

Floor 103: The Finish LINE! SO happy to see the SkyDeck! Made it up in 53:52 seconds!

SkyRise 2010 re-affirmed a lot of obvious lessons:

• Progress happens after an accumulation of little changes over a long period of time. I made it up those steps, one-at-a-time and after 2,109 steps, I reached my goal.

• “Team work makes the dream work”—thanks for this one LH! ☺ This one is obvious, work with others to achieve your fitness goals. When I decided to do SkyRise 2010, I immediately recruited friends to do it with me. (Same with when I started my lifestyle transition in January.) Friends provide encouragement, accountability, and GOOD LAUGHS that really keep you going when the going gets tough!

• It hurts, but keep going! (This is my exercise mantra!)

• Encouragement comes from unexpected places—be open to receiving it!

SkyRise 2010 was exhilarating! Who’s up for SkyRise 2011????